


Haru, Haru-chan

by criscriscris



Series: Haru, Haru-chan [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, family au, makoto/female oc will be a mention later but not explicit, other relationships in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2457986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criscriscris/pseuds/criscriscris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years - ten years, to be exact - since you had seen him. He was exactly the same: same smile, same laugh, same dorky glasses. But there was something different about him.</p><p>Makoto had a daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprises Are Best Served With Mackerel

“Before we go,” Nagisa stopped in front of me, grabbing onto my hand. “There’s something you should know.”

“What?”

He looked down at his shoes – polished, black dress shoes that were his new norm. He worked at an office downtown. I didn’t really have an idea as to what he did but he always complained about how boring it was. 

“Makoto’s… changed,” he said, voice quiet and serious.

“Of course he has. He’s human. I’ve changed,” I replied, walking passed the blond man. 

“No, Haru-chan. He’s still basically the same good person he’s always been, that would never change, but… Well, uh…” Nagisa was fidgeting. It was getting annoying.

“Spit it out or we’re going to be late. Rei is waiting for you, I’m sure.”

“Right. Yeah. Maybe it’s better if you see it,” he smiled up at me. “Like I said, Makoto is still the same as he’s always been, know what I mean?”

“Dependable and nice?” I said, walking at a quicker pace, excited but anxious to make it to the café. My plane was late from America, as Americans always seem to be later than anywhere else. It had been almost 10 years since I met up with my friends from Iwatobi – other than Kou and Rin, of course - or even had contact with them because it was too troublesome to text or facebook or skype or whatever else they asked me to do, and I never really had any sort of break to come visit. My parents normally came to see me during races or off-season. Despite all of that, my friends all seemed to have settled in Tokyo. 

Nagisa and Rei had agreed to pick me up from the airport, but when I arrived it was just him. He had said that Makoto had asked Rei to escort him for some reason – questions he had, Nagisa wasn’t the most helpful in being specific.

“No! I mean, with the same heart melting smile that would make Lucifer himself bow down!” Nagisa laughed, but it seemed off. Probably because he was talking about the devil.

“Oh. I guess,” I shrugged. “How’s Rei’s research going, by the way? I did see something about it on the news the other day. It’s even big in the U.S.” 

“Yeah, I know. I’m so proud of him. It seems to be going great though. He stays up late but then so do I. He’s really excited, he feels like he’s close enough to perfect it – you know how he is. It’s already really amazing and it can do so much, but that’s just how he is.”

I let Nagisa’s voice drown into the background of the street noise all around us. Buses, cars honking, people chattering away about whatever. It wasn’t all that interesting, to be honest. But the white noise of daily life calmed me. It was soothing. 

“Oh, it’s right there!” He grabbed my arm, shaking me out of the trance I was in. 

I nodded and he pulled me along, waving his hand. “Rei-chan! We’re here!”

A tall man stood up from where he was sitting, his dark blue hair cropped short and bright, red glasses framing his face in a way that was elegant but casual. It was Rei. 

Others in the café turned to stare at the blond man in front of me, his excitable energy infectious and turning the already cheery eatery even brighter. Even with children milling around - laughing, shouting, crying, whining – Nagisa seemed to be the most childish person in the area. 

I glanced around and caught sight of Kou’s hair, she was kneeling down, as if talking to a child. Rin stood out as well because of his hair. He grinned when he saw me and I smiled back. He turned away and said something to the grey-haired man sitting next to him – Aiichirou Nitori, his husband – before getting up and heading my way. 

There was still one person missing, though. The one person I had wanted to see the most. I scanned the area, trying to catch sight of brown hair, broad shoulders, or a smile that could melt event he coldest part of earth. 

“Hello, Haruka! It’s nice to see you again!” Rei hugged me as he reached me. “It’s been so long! How have you been doing?” He pulled back, smiling widely. 

“I’ve been well. I have off-season training I have to do while I’m here, but other than that, still enjoying what I do,” I replied, smiling back on instinct. I was still grateful for Rei’s sacrifice back when we were teens; it was something I would never be able to forget. 

“Haru! Good to see you finally made it! I told you you shoulda come with Kou and me,” Rin laughed, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “We’ve already been here for like two days, and, damn, lots of things have changed.”

“That’s an understatement,” Rei snorted. “Nagisa, I ordered a strawberry shortcake for you, by the way. It should be coming out soon, wanna go sit down?”

“You betcha! By the way, where’s Mako-chan?” He asked, grabbing hold of Rei’s arm. 

“He’s here. He had to go… Uh,” Rei paused and glanced up at me. “To the bathroom.”

I felt my eye twitch. There was something going on that no one wanted to tell me and it was getting irritating. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Rin asked, looking at Nagisa. It was as if he could sense me bristling next to him. 

“I thought it’d be better if he were to see what I meant,” Nagisa smiled, again forced and brittle.

“You’re fucking crazy.” Rin ran a hand through his hair, exhaling. “Well, no better time than the present.”

“What are you guys talking about? Did Makoto get a tattoo or something? A facial piercing? Cut his hair and dyed it some crazy colour? What is there to tell me?” 

“Let’s sit down,” Rei said, heading back towards the now-empty table. 

I sighed, giving in. They’ll tell me, just on their terms. Fine. That was fine. I followed along, having to dodge children running to and fro, parents scolding and apologizing as they chased down their spawn. I never really cared for children – I didn’t hate them but I didn’t think I ever wanted one. 

“Haru!” Kou greeted as we approached the table at the same time. “It’s nice to see you again! How you doing?”

“I’m well. Yourself?” Again, I smiled on instinct. After she graduated, Kou had seemingly followed Makoto’s route and became a swimming coach. Turns out, it was so she can be around more muscles and Rin had pulled some strings for her and she was accepted on our coaching team. It was nice to have another familiar face around, especially when we had to visit English-speaking countries. 

“Holding up just fine, Haru! Now, remember, don’t eat too many sweets! We can’t have you slacking, even in off-season.” She began to lecture at me about my muscles and where my training needed to be as we sat down.

“Yeah, Kou, we get it! Haru and I aren’t idiots, you know,” Rin cut in, slouching down in his chair. “I even ordered a salad and meat instead of the sweet stuff they have here.”

“I know, I just wanted to make sure-“

“Mako-chan!” Nagisa stood, waving at him. 

I turned and my breath caught. He looked… The same but with more maturity, more kindness. His gaze caught mine and he jumped, eyes going wide before they crinkled in the corners, that familiar smiling gracing his lips; that smile that was only for me.

“Sit down, Nagisa. He already saw us,” Rin complained.

I stood up.

“Haru, you too?” Rin said, exasperated at the situation.

Makoto made his way through the crowd of children, smiling and slowing down to say hi to some of them. I was getting impatient. It had been ten years since I saw him. Ten years since I was home. Ten years since I was able to bathe in his warm, calm presence. 

Of course I was impatient. 

But I held back. I stood there, watching, waiting. I could have rushed forward. I could have pushed those children away and clung to Makoto. I could have. But I didn’t. I kept my face as stable as I could, trying to hide my impatience. When finally, he made it to us, a bag slung around his shoulders, a hoodie tied around his waist, his red flannel shirt ruffled and wrinkled, and his glasses slightly askew on his face.

He was perfection itself. 

“Hey, everyone!” Makoto waved, swinging the bag over his shoulder and placing it on the table. “It’s nice to see you again, Haru-chan.”

At first I couldn’t say anything. I could barely breathe. It was really him; He was in front of me in the flesh, not unlike the dreams I had many times, only so much better. My name fell from his lips like a prayer and all the feelings I thought I was able to bury suddenly rushed to the surface.

“Drop the –chan,” I grumbled, sitting back down. 

Makoto paused before laughing, “Right, sorry.”

The tension in the air seemed to vanish after that, but I felt uncomfortable. Makoto sat down across the table from me and talked to Kou and Rei, as if I wasn’t even here. Like I was just part of the scenery.

“No, she’s okay. I was just wondering since flu season is coming soon and she’s so young. Plus being in the water all the time might also do something,” he said, as I finally tuned into the conversation.

“Well, you take good care of her, and all the other children, really well, especially when they get out of the pool. You’re a great coach, so I don’t think you have to worry,” Rei replied.

“Here’s your order.” A woman stood by me and started setting things on the table. She set a plate of grilled mackerel in front of Makoto.

“Ah, no, sorry ma’am, that’s for him,” Rei pointed at me. 

“Sorry,” she bowed and placed it in front of me instead. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, sir?” She asked Makoto, a flirty smile on her lips. 

“Um, yeah. Can you tell Hinata in the back just to get my usual? But with extra whipped cream on the cake,” he held the menu up at her, smiling back.

“Will do.” She bowed as she left again.

“Do you come here often?” Kou asked, taking a sip of her latte.

“Yeah. It’s really kid-friendly and has pretty good food, so I’m not opposed to it.”

“I didn’t know you took your work with you,” I commented, picking up a piece of mackerel. 

“What?” Makoto laughed, embarrassed. 

“I mean, why else would you care about if a place is kid friendly? Do you take the kids you coach out to lunch or something?” I bit into the mackerel. It was good. 

“Um, Haru…” Nagisa laughed awkwardly. 

“Haru-chan!” Makoto shouted, standing up.

I jumped, “Wha-“

“I’m coming!” A small voice shouted back from behind me. 

“Be careful, please!” Makoto said, running a hand through his hair.

I turned around and followed his gaze. A girl, about the age of seven, with black, short hair that came to about her ears, was running towards us, a dolphin plushie in her hand. She was smiling – A smile too familiar to be mistaken. 

“What?” I asked, putting my chopsticks down.

“Daddy, look what I won!” She yelled out, coming up to the table and waving the dolphin around.

“Did you fall? Your knees are scraped, Haru-chan.” Makoto sat down and lifted the girl into his lap. 

“I’m okay, stop worrying,” she pushed his head back with the dolphin doll. “Look at it! I did it all by myself too.”

“I see it, I see it. Good job Haru-chan, it’s very cute,” He laughed, pushing down the doll. 

“Yes! It’s the cutest!” 

“Um, excuse me,” the waitress had come back. “Ah, is this your daughter?”

“She is,” Makoto answered, placing the girl on the chair next to him.

“How cute! What’s your name, darling?” The waitress set the food down and got down to her level. The little girl looked away, hugging her dolphin tighter.

“Ah, don’t be rude!” Makoto laughed nervously. “Her name’s Haruka.”

“That’s a beautiful name.” She stood up and smiled. “Enjoy your meal.”

I waited for the waitress to be out of ear shot before turning back to Makoto. Everyone had gone quiet, looking down at their plates. Everyone but Makoto, who was fussing over the girl next to him; I watched them for a second, thinking that she – Haruka – looked familiar. Her eyes were a deep blue, but had a twinkle in them that reminded me of the sea on a sunny day in the afternoon. Her short hair was messy; she wore a t-shirt with stars on it and overalls. 

“Makoto.”

He froze. 

“Daddy, who’s that?” The girl asked, looking up at me with narrowed eyes.

“Haru-chan.”

“What?” “Yes?” We both answered at the same time.

Nagisa started laughing, loudly and awkwardly. “Well, I guess there’s no better time than the present!” He said, repeating himself from earlier. 

“Haru, this is my daughter… Haruka. I call her Haru-chan.”

“Does he have the same name as me?” “Does she have the same name as me?” The girl and I asked at the same time, again. 

Rin laughed this time, “Geez, I knew you two looked similar but I didn’t think you’d act the same, too.”

“Well, she does like monopolize Makoto, just like Haru used to,” Rei observed, nodding to himself.

“Rei! That’s not nice!” Kou said, a wide smile now on her face. “Haru-chan shares her daddy! Right, Haru-chan?”

The girl nodded, but kept her eyes on me. “But he’s scary.”

“I am not scary,” I answered, standing. 

“Maybe we should give them some space?” Nitori spoke up, looking at everyone.

“No, it’s okay. We’ll go talk, you guys don’t have to get up,” Makoto stood, smiling at everyone. “Hey, baby, I’ll be right back, okay? Eat your mackerel and then you have dessert.”

“Okay, Daddy!”

“And don’t think I won’t know if you don’t eat it! Kou will tell me, so don’t even bother lying.”

Kou laughed and patted the girl on the head. “We’ll look after her.”

“Okay, we’ll be right back,” Makoto turned to me. “Haru, this way.”

I followed him as we walked away from everyone. He hummed, his fingers tapping against his belt. I could tell he was nervous. I was too. We walked to the street corner, where the crowds thinned out.

“I guess this is a good place,” he mused, turning to face me. “It really is good to see you again, Haru. I missed you so much.”

We stood in silence, our eyes never leaving each other. I could feel all the years between us – the years we were together, the years we spent apart. I could feel his eyes boring straight to my soul, as if trying to read my emotions, my thoughts, just like he was always able to do. The feeling of something broken, of something breaking, was overwhelming and all I wanted to do was scream. Who was this man standing in front of me now? How had he changed? What sort of life had he had over the past ten years we hadn’t seen each other? Was there someone else? Was he married? Was he happy? There were so many questions I wanted to ask, questions I needed answered. But I couldn’t make myself say the words to those. There was something more important.

“You never told me you had a daughter,” I finally said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this is a bad idea.
> 
> this was actually based on a dream i had so here we go. yay. this won't be too long, but it will be multi-chapter.  
> also sorry i didn't really edit this i just wanted to type it up. thanks.


	2. Slow And Steady Wins His Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru learns a little more about Makoto's life. But not enough.

Makoto stared at me, the smile on his face never faltering. “Well, I never really tried it hide it, Haru. It’s just… She was born a couple of years after you and I stopped talking.”

I bit my lip. That’s right. It was mostly my fault that happened. “But still, I think that’s important enough to text or call ab-“

“You changed your number. You never answered me on Skype. You never said anything to me on FaceBook,” Makoto said, his smile slowly fading. “And trust me. It’s all over my FaceBook. I do daily updates about her.”

Fuck. That would make sense. I tried changing the subject. “Did Rin know?”

“Everyone knows, Haru. I thought he or Kou would have told you by now. After all, Haru-chan is six years old. She’ll be turning seven next month.”

How did Rin know and not tell me? Why would he and Kou keep this hidden from me? I glared off to the side, pretending that Rin felt my eyes burning a hole into his stupid head. 

“Don’t be mad at him, Haru. He probably thought you already knew,” Makoto laughed, putting a hand on my shoulder. “After all, you’re my best friend. I’m sure everyone thought you were the first one to know.”

That was… It hurt. Even after all these years, Makoto still thought of me as his best friend. While I was honoured, I still couldn’t help but feel my chest tighten up. “Why did you name her… Haruka?” I asked, looking away. Changing the subject felt like the best option; I didn’t want to talk about the breakdown of communication between us. Not now, at least.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Makoto said, letting his hand fall. “I named her after someone whom I lo- admired.”

“What about her mother?” The words came out before I realized what I said. I meant to ask what her mother thought about the name, but I knew the context of my question was different. 

“Oh. Um,” he laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. “We’re not together anymore. It’s a long story.”

“I have time.”

“Not right now, we don’t. We should get back to the group.”

“Makoto.” I reached out and grabbed his hand. “I just want to talk to you.”

He smiled – it wasn’t the same smile as usual. It was sadder, as if he was accepting something he didn’t want. “Yeah. Me too. It’s just… A little late for that now, Haru.”

“Please.” My voice sounded desperate. It was troublesome but I didn’t want anything else other than this.

“We will, okay. I promise. Just not right now.” He smiled, grabbing my hand and pulling it off his. “Where are you staying, by the way?”

It took me a second to reply to him; I was staring at my hand left hanging in the air. “Oh, um… I was just gonna check into a hotel.”

“Come stay with us. We have an extra room, plus it’ll give us more time to catch up later.”

“Okay,” I said, without even thinking about it. 

“Good.” He smiled again, turning away. “Let’s go back. I need to make sure Haru-chan eats her food properly. Plus, I feel bad leaving them to take care of her.”

I didn’t say anything. What was there to say? I just followed him again, like I would follow him anywhere. Everyone was talking and laughing when we approached. 

“Haru-chan, what’s going on?” Makoto asked, sitting down next to her. 

“Are you gay, Daddy?” She smiled up at him.

He sputtered, blushing fiercely. “What!?”

Nagisa started laughing and even Rin and Kou let out a chuckle. Only Nitori and Rei had the maturity to look guilty. 

“Sorry,” Rin said, wiping at his eye. “We had our own conversation when you were gone.”

“Yeah! As long as Daddy loves me the mostest, Daddy can be whatever he wants!” Haru laughed.

“Of course! Daddy loves you the mostest!” Makoto nodded, kissing her forehead. “But we’re going to have a talk when we get home, young lady.”

“Aw, even after I ate all my vegetables and mackerel! Look!” She pointed at her plate.

“It’s true,” Nitori chimed in. 

“She was a good girl,” Kou nodded. 

Nagisa and Rei joined in, chattering about how well-behaved she was; Haru-chan was blushing, trying to wave off their praises, all while Makoto laughed. I watched, waiting for my turn to say something. But it never came. I didn’t even know the girl existed until ten minutes ago, what _could_ I say?

“Oh! We have to go!” Kou exclaimed, a spoon of ice cream in one hand, her phone in the other. “Hana-chan wanted to catch up and see Rin and Ai before she goes back to Iwatobi!”

“Right,” Rin said, taking one last drink from his tea. “Haru, I’ll text you the address of the hotel we’re staying at so you can check in, too.”

“No need!” Makoto interrupted before I could reply.

“Huh?” 

“Haru will be staying with us! We do have that extra room and my mom would never let me hear the end of it if I let Haru stay at a hotel!” 

“Wow, I see how it is,” Rin laughed, standing up. “That’s all good. Haru, I’ll still text you later. We gotta set up some practices.”

“Okay,” I nodded up at him. “Bye, guys.”

“Bye! It was nice to see you all!” Nitori said, smiling and bowing slightly. 

“Same to you, Ai-chan!” Nagisa waved, grinning. 

“They sure are a cute couple,” Haru-chan said, chewing on a piece of cake as the three walked away. 

“They really are. I’m so happy for Rin,” Nagisa said, swirling around his pink drink. “Who do you think is the cuter couple, Haru-chan? Us or them?”

“Mmm,” she looked up at Rei and Nagisa. “Well, I just met Rin a couple of days ago, but I always see you, Rei, and Ai so… You and Rei!”

“Yay!” Nagisa clapped, lifting his hand for a high five from Rei. 

“Nagisa that is so childish,” Rei said, blushing. “But thank you, Haru-chan. That’s so nice of you.”

I watched the two interact with her. It seemed so natural, like they were used to each other. “Do you all see each other often?” I asked, putting my chopsticks down.

“Oh?” Nagisa perked up, staring at me. “Yeah! Rei may be a researcher, but he’s already done his doctorate in medicine with a focus on pediatrics, so sometimes we go and help Mako-chan out, make sure everyone is okay.”

“And I’m Haru-chan’s doctor,” Rei finished, smiling proudly.

Makoto laughed and blushed, “They’ve been a real big help to my swimming school! All the parents are super glad to know we can get medical assistance on site if need be.”

“Yeah, and Ai-chan is an author who specializes in…” Nagisa paused and looked at the girl next to him. “He specializes in _adult_ books and he was the one who introduced Mako-chan to Aki-“

“Nagisa! Not right now,” Makoto cut in. “I can tell Haru that later.”

“Tell me what?” “Tell me what?” Haru-chan and I asked at the same time, looking at each other.

“You guys are gonna have to stop that. It’s getting confusing,” Nagisa laughed.

“Sorry.” “Sorry!” 

“Well, I think that’s our cue to leave! I have to get back to the lab! I think the results I was waiting for finally came in,” Rei said, standing up. “It was great to see you, Haru. Let’s meet up again before you leave. Here’s my card.”

He handed me a card with his personal and work number. I smiled and nodded. “Same to you, Rei. I’ll definitely text you later.”

“Wait! My number too!” Nagisa pounced on me, grabbing the card and a pen from his pocket and wrote his number down. “There! Now you can’t avoid me!”

“I would never,” I said, a laugh in my throat that didn’t make it out of my mouth.

“I know.” He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. “But we’ll see each other again. I missed you, Haru!”

“I missed you all, too,” I said quietly, squeezing his hand lightly before letting my arm drop. 

“Bye now!” Nagisa shouted, waving again. “Bye Haru-chan! Be a good girl!” 

“You be a good boy, Nagisa!” Haru-chan yelled back, waving with both hands.

He laughed and waved at Makoto, “You be good to our Harus, okay?”

“Like I would be anything but?” Makoto smiled. “Bye Rei, bye Nagisa. Don’t work too hard!”

“Bye, Makoto. Have a good afternoon,” Rei said, waving quickly. “Let’s be on our way, Nagisa.”

I watched the two walk away, Nagisa hanging onto Rei’s arm. He stole a kiss every now and again, a smile permanently on both of their faces. They were always in love with each other and it was clear that they still were. It was nice to see them. 

“Haru, let’s get going, too. We can go by my home so you can put your belongings up,” Makoto said.

“He’s coming with us, Daddy?” Haru-chan asked, already on her feet.

“Of course I am,” I said, standing to look down at her. “I’m your dad’s friend.”

“Boyfriend?” She asked, tilting her head to the side, her blue eyes shining curiously.

Makoto sputtered, covering her mouth with his hand. “Haru-chan! Don’t say such presumptuous things! Haru is one of my best friends from childhood!” She attempted to say something behind her hand but was unable to.

“Let’s just go,” I suggested, grabbing my bags from the ground. 

“Yeah! Good idea!” Makoto said, letting Haru-chan go, a blush still on his face.

“Dad! That was so mean! Apologize to me!” She whined, crossing her arms.

“I’m sorry, Haru-chan,” he laughed, ruffling her already messy hair. “But you can’t just ask those kinds of things, especially after you just met him.”

“Sorry, Nanase-san,” she said, looking down at my feet.

“I don’t mind,” I shrugged, looking at her. “You can just call me Haru.”

She nodded and held onto Makoto’s hand. “Let’s go home, Daddy. I want to finish colouring my pictures.”

\--

“Here we are,” Makoto announced as we walked up to a house. It had a hedge around the fence and the beginnings of a garden just inside the yard. 

“Lovely,” I said, low under my breath. 

“Don’t tease me! I know it’s nothing to boast of, but it’s our home!” Ah, he heard me.

“I’m not teasing. It really is lovely. Definitely suits you,” I did my best to smile at him. 

Makoto smiled back; His real smile, the one that was saved especially for me. I stared at him, a calm washing over me like the water did when I first dived in. It was as if my heart felt something for the first time, echoing a feeling from years ago. 

“Daddy! Come look! The flowers are blooming over here!” Haru-chan ran over to a spot in the garden. “The ponies!”

“Peonies, Haru-chan,” Makoto laughed, following along. 

“Right, right, whatever,” she laughed, crouching down to look at the flowers. “They’re so pretty! Oh, wow!”

“They really are.”

“Prettier than the daffy-bills,” she said, nodding her head, as if confirming something to herself.

“Daffodils, Haru-chan. And those are just as pretty.”

“I didn’t know you gardened,” I commented, walking through the yard. It did seem like a Makoto-thing to do, though. He was always the caring type.

“Yeah, it’s something I picked up a couple of years ago with… Well, a friend of mine introduced it to me and how calming and satisfying it is to watch things you planted grow. So, I started to do it here. And then I got Haru-chan to help me out and she likes it too.”

A friend? I stared at Makoto, narrowing my eyes when he paused, going on without a name. If it was just a friend then there would be no shame in saying a name; it had to be something, or someone, different.

“Yep!” She jumped up, standing fully. I took a step back, surprised at her abruptness. “Daddy says every flower means something different! We looked up a whole bunch of them once and now I'm colouring a book of them for my class!” 

“She’s a surprisingly good artist for her age,” he laughed, patting her head. “Come on inside, Haru-chan. You gotta work on your book and Haru is probably tired from being on the road for so long.”

“Right!” She ran ahead, pulling a key out of her pocket.

“She’s spirited,” I said, walking next to Makoto.

“Mm,” he nodded. “She’s very lively most of the time. But when she gets to doing something she enjoys, she’s very focused. Like when we’re planting buds, or when she’s drawing, or when she swims in a race… There’s this focus to her that’s unusual in kids. Or most kids, anyway.” He smiled, looking at me again.

“I wonder where she got that from, definitely not from you, Mr. Spacey.” I smiled back before looking away. Haru-chan had already opened the door and gone inside.

“Ah, Haru, that’s mean!” He laughed, holding the door and gesturing to let me in first. “Come in, Haru.”

“Excuse me,” I said, quiet again. I slipped passed Makoto, feeling the heat of his body for the split second we were next to each other. 

“I’m home,” Makoto said, closing the door after we both made it inside.

“Welcome home!” Haru-chan yelled from the other room.

I looked around the front room while I kicked my shoes off. It was decorated very simply but still modern. The colours were warm: Beiges, creams, yellows, browns. I walked further into his house, into the living room. Pillows were piled high on the couch; Picture frames of all shapes and sizes were hung around all the walls or placed on the tables and shelves. 

“Haru? This way?” Makoto put his hand on my shoulder, pointing down a hall. “Let’s get everything put away first and I’ll put on some tea.”

“And then we can talk?”

He paused for a second but then nodded, “Of course.”

“And you’ll answer all my questions?”

“Every one.”

“You promise?” 

“Haru…”

“Okay. I can put everything up myself, you go make tea,” I said, pushing passed him to get to the hall. 

I walked to the only room that had the door open; It was similar to the living room, just without all the picture frames littered around. There was a futon folded on one side of the room. A little unusual to have a guest room prepared but it was Makoto… He had probably already planned to get me to stay here, as if he would let me stay at a hotel. 

My bags fell heavily on the floor. I only had two – one filled with my swimming supplies, the other filled with clothes for every day. I began to tour the room, stopping to look at each picture frame. 

There was a constant theme throughout them all. Makoto and Haru-chan where featured in a large portion of them; They were taken with other people – Nagisa, Rei, Nitori, even Kisumi, and some kids I assumed were from the swimming school – in random places – by a pool, at a café, a playground, the zoo – and some even just solo pictures of flowers. I was a little grateful that they had recorded so much of their lives because I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to see more, know more about what I had missed.

I looked down, cursing myself and the past ten years. I could have been in these pictures, too. 

“Haru?” Makoto was at the door, a towel in his hand. “Everything okay?”

“Yep.” I nodded, looking back down. As I did, something caught my attention. “Why is a box labelled ‘memories’ just stashed away here?”  
“Oh! Uh, well, those are the ones I haven’t put in a frame yet. Some of them are just crappy shots, you know, blurry or closed eyes, or just repeats. Not very important really, but I couldn’t get myself to throw them out.” Makoto laughed and waved his hand in front of him. He was a shitty liar. “Anyway, tea’s ready. Haru-chan won’t be joining us – much too dedicated to her book right now – but we'll be able to talk about whatever you want. And I'll tell you everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *squirms around*  
> not too happy with this chapter but i didn't want to throw too much into it just yet. there'll be more info in the next chapter but i am hating it too bc it sounds too exposition-y @o@
> 
> anyway thank you for sticking with me! there will be an update soon! i wanna try to finish this by November, if not, i'll shoot for mid-nov. please leave me comments - what you liked, what you're curious about, if you catch my mistakes (cause there are tons lol), anything really! i love to hear from y'all even if i'm terrible at replying gomen  
> thank u for the support!!!!!!


	3. There's Nothing You Can Do, That's Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru learns even more about Makoto's life. But is it enough?

I followed Makoto down the hall; We passed the living room where I saw Haru-chan hunched over the table, scribbling furiously away at whatever she was drawing. I paused, thinking of how familiar she seemed.

“Haru?” Makoto called out to me, disrupting my thoughts before they could start.

“Sorry,” I muttered, walking into the kitchen behind him. 

We sat down at the table, across from each other; he placed a cup of tea in front of me. I stared at it, waiting for him to speak first because, after all, what could I say now that we were alone? Out of the million and one questions floating around in my head, there was none that I thought were appropriate to start with.

“So, I bet you’re wondering who she was and I how I met her, huh?” 

I glanced up at him and shrugged, “If you want to tell me, that’s your business.”

“Of course I wanna tell you,” he laughed, taking a sip of tea. “I guess… Let’s see, we probably met about nine years ago? Yeah, just about. Anyway, it was at that time when I just opened up the school and it was a lot of hard work, but it was fun. That was also around the time you stopped answering my texts and so I was always feeling a little down but I guess… I cheered myself up with the thought that I was teaching people the same joy that I was able to feel. The same warm happiness caused by swimming with someone you love and care about.”

He smiled at me, fidgeting with the cup in his hands. “Anyway, it was at this time when Ai had published his first book. No doubt Rin bragged about it non-stop.”

I nodded, recalling that time years ago. Rin had been on the phone – we both had received new phones from our sponsors and it wasn’t even two minutes we had them that he had called Nitori – and seemed really excited. Shouts of love and praise were all I could hear. I remember asking him about it and he had said that Nitori had finally published his first book to very good reviews. 

“I don’t know if you knew then that Ai writes very mature books, like what Nagisa had said. But his company threw a party to celebrate because of how well received the book was and his incredible sales and they told him he could invite whomever he wanted. Rin wasn’t around at that time so he invited me as his ‘date’ and Nagisa and Rei as his guests.” Makoto used air quotes when he said date, a laugh in his voice.

“Of course I couldn’t say no, Ai needed support from someone. I agreed and we went out together. That’s where I met her; She was Ai’s senpai at the company.” He looked down into his cup, a small smile on his face. A smile that wasn’t for me but for someone else. I felt a twinge of jealousy in my heart.

“Her name is Akira Watanabe and she’s about three years older than us. She’s beautiful. Ai introduced us and we hit it off, for the most part. Akira had been a teacher at an elementary school for a couple of years until her books took off and that point she retired to focus her energy on writing. So we spent like the entire party just talking,” he laughed and looked back up at me. “Ai was furious with me, saying I had ditched him but… He said he was also happy I had found someone to talk to. 

“We exchanged numbers and emails and after that… Well, Akira would often come down to the school in the evenings when she didn’t like anything she wrote and helped me out with the kids. She was a natural at it. After we locked everything up, we would go out – Sometimes for ramen, sometimes for drinks. But whenever we went out, we wound up talking about our pasts.

“I told her about you, sometimes. She was really interested in you and Rin - said she had heard about you guys during Olympic season – and couldn’t believe I was friends with the two who brought gold back. I guess I’m just too uncool and my swimming is nowhere near as great as yours. Which is something I remember mentioning and she had told me that wasn’t true – That I was just as good.” A sigh escaped his lips and I could tell he was looking passed me. 

“You are,” I muttered, taking a sip of my now-lukewarm tea. 

“Ah, thanks, Haru. That’s really nice of you,” Makoto laughed, bringing his mood back. “Anyway, we would just talk all the time. I went out and bought her books – just to see what she wrote. See, Akira is kinda like Ai. They’re both very, very kind and soft-spoken but their words are so expressive, so different from what you would expect from them. They should have been writing kid books or something but… It was all still really good.

“So one night, we both got kinda… Heh, wasted. Really it was more her than I. I don’t like drinking all that much. But that’s when Akira told me she really liked me, like more than just a good friend. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, why not? She’s good looking and she’s nice and great with kids. My parents would love her. I can see myself with her.’ so I told her I liked her, too. We didn’t do anything after that. I dropped Akira off at her place and then I went home.

“We did start dating soon after it happened. Our first date, first kiss, first night together - it was all so special. I never thought I would have anything like that with anyone because the person I loved before had already rejected me but I found a new life with her. I thought I could be happy with her. Anyway, we got married a year after that. I know, it was a little rushed but – Well, neither of us could think of a reason we shouldn’t be married. We were already living together; It was a nice studio apartment that she was renting out from her company, so it wasn’t too expensive. 

“A year after we got married, we found out she was pregnant. It was crazy – we were both freaking out because neither of us had imagined having a kid that young, or at least at that point in our lives. She took a leave of absence from her company and I had Sousuke take over the school during that time. We moved back down to Iwatobi and moved in with my parents. It was mostly because Akira and I decided it’d be better for her and Haru-chan if she were in a more relaxing place during her pregnancy. 

“We agreed on the name Haruka. She thought it was a beautiful name and even more beautiful because it was the name of my childhood friend who had brought me so much happiness. Anyway, Haru-chan was born and it was probably the best day of my life. I never felt so… Whole before. I cried more than Akira did.” Makoto paused to laugh, refilling his cup of tea. I watched how his hands shook. 

“We stayed in Iwatobi a couple more months after that. I went back to Tokyo a couple of times to check on the school; Sometimes I’d stay for a couple of days. It was during one of those times that Akira was left alone – My parents had gone on vacation – and decided to explore my old room while Haru-chan napped. I don’t know if you know this, Haru, but I have always kept a diary. More than one, since I made sure to write in it every day. This is what she had found.” 

Makoto stopped talking again, his smile fading away. I had only seen him this serious a couple of times in our friendship together. “I guess I should have seen it coming,” he said quietly, wiping at his eyes. “I loved Akira, I really did. She made me happy, she’s the mother of my child, we shared so many countless moments together but… I was never _in_ love with her. I had always been in love with someone else. And she found my diaries and figured out who it was. She wasn’t mad; in fact, she was very depressed about the fact. I always hated myself for breaking her heart but… We talked about it and she didn’t think she could be with someone who was still in love with a different person, and I didn’t blame her.

“When we came back to Tokyo, I started renting this little house. She moved back into her apartment with Haru-chan. A month or two later, Akira came to me. She begged me to take Haru-chan. I remember how much she cried, saying she was a terrible mother but she couldn’t stand to look at her anymore. Her soul and heart only had room for writing now and she didn’t think she could care for Haru-chan properly anymore. I agreed to take her, of course I would, she was my whole life. Akira didn’t want Haru-chan to know about her so… She never really met her. Sometimes I ask Haru-chan what she thinks about not having a mother and she’ll look up at me with her big eyes and say ‘What do you mean? Aren’t you both?’ and I always laugh at that, because I guess I am. As long as she’s happy with just me, I promised Akira I wouldn’t tell her the truth.”

We sat in silence for a very long minute, Makoto’s words settling around my heart. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t find the words.

“But I still see Akira sometimes. I give her pictures and updates about Haru-chan because she still loves her… She just doesn’t see her as her daughter. Ah, that’s right, Akira is re-married now but they haven’t had children. I’m not sure if they will or not. I’m really happy for her and I’m happy that she gave me Haru-chan,” he laughed, scratching his cheek. “And that’s how it is. There’s my story – which you can read in a different perspective because Akira adapted it to one of her novels. It’s really interesting and it doesn’t even paint me in a bad light. The critics say it’s one of her best works. I’ll go get it now.”

He stood up and walked out of the room. I sat there and stared at his empty seat. 

“When’s dinner, Daddy?” I could hear Haru-chan say in the other room. 

“I’ll order some pizza today, is that okay?”

“Yay! I don’t have to help cook today!” 

“Haru-chan.” I could hear the warning in his voice.

“Daddy, I love helping you cook, but you’re hopeless! You can’t even grill a hamburger!” She shouted, laughing after.

“I guess someone’s not getting dessert today,” he replied, his voice fading into another room.

“I’m just kidding, Daddy! Please! I even finished three whole pages today!”

“Alright, alright. We’ll get some ice cream after, okay?”

“Yes!” I heard fast footsteps from the hall. “I’m going to the bathroom!”

“Make sure to wash your hands!” Makoto’s voice got louder as he neared the kitchen again. “You don’t mind pizza, do you, Haru?”

“Pizza’s fine,” I said quickly, looking down at my cup. 

“Here’s the book. Ah, there’s usually a picture of her in the sleeve, but I guess this one doesn’t have it. I’ll find a picture of her somewhere, later, okay?” He put the book down in front of me. 

“Makoto,” I grabbed his hand before he could move away.

“Haru?”

“Who were you… Who are you in love with?” I couldn’t make myself even look at him, I was so nervous. My hands had gone cold. 

He laughed – the same tinkling laugh he always laughed with me. “Haru, that’s not obvious?”

“Mak-“

“Daddy! Someone’s at the door! I just heard a car pull up!”

“Hold on a sec, Haru.” He pulled my hand off and walked quickly away. “Haru-chan, go wait in the kitchen with Haru.”

“’Kay, Dad.” I watched as she walked into the kitchen, looking over her shoulder. “He looks like he’s seen a ghost,” she laughed, jumping up to sit next to me. 

“Maybe a ghost from his past,” I muttered.

“What was that?” She asked, staring at me.

“You know it’s rude to stare,” I said, a little louder this time.

“Right!” she looked back down. “Is that Daddy’s book? He usually keeps that one on the top shelf, where I can’t reach.”

“He’s letting me borrow it. It’s too advanced for a six year old.” I picked up the book from the table and held it in my lap. “Can you even read?”

“Of course I can read! I read all the time! My teacher said I read like a ten year old!”

“How nice.” I could hear voices coming from outside. “Wait here, Haru-chan.”

“’Kay…” Haru-chan looked a little down, all by herself. 

“I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna make sure he doesn’t forget to order pizza, okay?” I don’t know why I said that. I just felt the need to reassure her. 

“’Kay!” Haru-chan smiled this time. “Make sure he gets mackerel!”

“Of course,” I smiled back – how could I not? Her smile was just so contagious. I waved at her and walked to find Makoto. 

“Yeah, we’re fine. If you want to come in, you can come in. Well, I’m gonna tell him you were here anyway – Why would I lie to him?” Makoto laughed loudly.

It didn’t sound that distressing. I opened the door and peeked outside, expecting someone… 

“Rin?” 

“Hey there! Sorry about intruding, I was just making sure you were okay! I wanted to be sneaky about it, but _Makoto_ here just had to ruin my plan!”

“I’m fine. Makoto, Haru-chan wants pizza.”

“Right! I was gonna order some, I almost forgot!”

“Hey, since you invited us for dinner, Ai and I can go pick it up for you? That would make it faster,” Rin suggested, grinning. 

“Oh, would you? That’s not too much trouble, is it?” Makoto looked pleased.

“Course not! We’ll be more than happy to help!”

“Okay, thank you. As long as we have some mackerel on it, Haru-chan and Haru will be happy.”

I looked over at him. Is that how he was gonna differentiate between us now? He’ll be leaving the –chan off my name; Something I’ve been asking from him since we were kids, but now that I was getting it… It didn’t feel right. But it’s not like I could tell him to call me Haru-chan and his daughter just Haru… I sighed, feeling frustration boil up inside.

“Ugh, fine. But we’re also getting normal pizza for the rest of us,” Rin laughed. “Haru, you coming with?”

“Sure,” I said, turning back. “Let me grab my shoes.” 

When I came back outside, Makoto was the only one standing there. “I’ll see you in a bit then, Haru.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, holding out Akira’s book. “Here. Make sure to put this where Haru-chan can’t get to. I’ll read it later.”

“Just keep it with you for now. She’ll try to grab at it before I can put it up if she sees me with it,” he laughed. “Anyway, I’m going back inside to check on her. I already gave Rin my order.”

“Okay. We’ll be right back,” I nodded at him again before jogging off to the car.

“Be safe!” He shouted at my back. I heard him go back into his house and shut the door. 

Finally. I could ask someone else about this, I thought as I saw Nitori and Rin in the front seats of their car. They were talking about something pretty intensely.   
Before I opened the car door, I knocked on the window to give them warning. Who knew if their conversation was private or not, and I didn’t want to be too rude – especially because of what I was going to ask. 

“Nitori,” I said as soon as I entered the car. “What can you tell me about Akira Watanabe and her relationship with Makoto?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh hhhhh don't kill meeeee ik so much exposition   
> this story will probs only have two chapters left...as for ages and stuff, make that up lol i'd say mid-to-early thirties??? i'll try to clear that up a little more in the next chapter lol
> 
> anyway hope y'all enjoyed...ye ik oc and stuff gomen gomen.....she's kinda important and even tho i didn't want to just write Makoto explaining everything - i wanted to write flashback scenes, etc - i needed to get on with this story. 
> 
> i also wanted this to be longer (the story in general, not just this chapter) but it was never supposed to be more than five chapters anyway.~o~ 
> 
> thank you for reading this far! please leave me comments and reviews and crits if u have them! love you guys and thanks for the support!!!!! (also i hope you guys got the meanings of the flowers i mentioned in the last chapter lol)


	4. I Guess I Just Loved You Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru gets more perspective on who Makoto was with... and why.

“Probably not as much as he already told you,” Nitori answered, turning a bit in his seat. 

“But… There’s still so much I need to know about…” I took a breath, looking down at the book in my hands. “What is she like? I know Makoto said she was nice but… He says that about everyone, even Rin.”

“Hey! May I remind you who is driving?” 

“It’s okay, babe. He’s just frustrated.” Nitori put his hand on Rin’s arm. “Which is understandable when you find out your soul mate has a child and was married to someone else, so cut him some slack.”

“What?” “What!?” Rin and I stared at each other in the rear view mirror.

“Oh, come on! As if you two both didn’t… Oh, my god. There’s no way neither of you didn’t…” He started to laugh, wiping at his eye. “This is gold.”

I felt my earlier frustration start to boil up inside me, hotter than before. While I wasn’t oblivious to my own feelings – I had always known these feelings were more than just friendly toward Makoto, but I did my best to keep them hidden because nothing would ever come from them. But to think others had seen right through me and into my heart…

“I…” 

“Of course I knew! Geez, I’m not that stupid, Ai! I mean, I’ve been friends with those two since we were kids and I know they’ve been soul mates from the beginning,” Rin scoffed. “But I just don’t think those two idiots ever realized it themselves. Until now, hopefully.”

“What?”

“Don’t give me that crap, Haru. We all saw how your heart practically jumped out of your chest when you found out Makoto had a daughter. Having a child means… Having a partner. I would freak out too, if I found out Ai had a child without me.” Rin glanced at me in the mirror. “It’s not like the rest of us didn’t see it coming.”

“I might be… Whatever, doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual,” I muttered, glaring out the window. I noticed we had made it to the pizza pick-up.

“Wha- Are you kidding me?” Rin yelled, the car stopping suddenly. He whipped around to stare at me. “Haru, you’re a genius swimmer. But you’re an idiot.”

“What the fuck, Rin? You don’t have to be so rude!” I leaned up to him, scowling. 

“I’m not! You’re just being so fucking stup- Ouch!”

Nitori whacked the back of Rin’s head, a frown on his face. “Dear, how about you just go and get the pizza, hm? I’m sure Makoto and Haru-chan are already hungry.”

They stared at each other for about five seconds until Rin turned back around with a growl. “Fine. I’ll be right back.” He got out of the car, slamming the door angrily. 

“Haru,” Nitori started, turning to look at me. “Rin’s an idiot, too, okay? God knows, he didn’t realize I was in love with him for two whole years, until he confessed to me. And he cried a lot, too. Saying stuff like ‘I know you’d never love me back but I can’t hold it in anymore’.” He laughed – not maliciously or anything, just like he was happy. “But the thing is, Haru, that you’re just as stupid as he is. You can’t see when someone is in love with you and probably always has been.”

I stared up at him, his blue eyes so honest and clear. “I don’t…”

“Akira was my senpai at the company. She brought me in after reading some of my work that I submitted to a magazine. You asked what sort of person she was, right? Well, at first she’s very cold, but it’s because she’s shy. She’s a very patient person and her kindness almost rivals that of Makoto. I was very wary when they first met because his attraction to her… I didn’t think it was sincere and I was worried for her. I didn’t want her to be heartbroken.” He pulled out his phone and started clicking around on it.

“What?”

“I know, I know. _Makoto_ not being sincere? But the thing is, this is what she looked like when they first met.” Nitori held up his phone to me. I looked at the woman in the picture. She had shoulder-length hair that was black and sleek; her fringe came across her forehead. It was her eyes, though. They were the same as Haru-chan’s; A deep blue that looked like the ocean. There was a small smile on the woman’s face and a book in her lap. The title read ‘Three’s Company by A. Watanabe’.

“She looks like... Me,” I blurted out, shocked. 

“Yeah, she did. Akira looks a lot like you that when I first realized they were seeing each other I was extremely skeptical. I tried to keep a close eye on them but they got away from me. It wasn’t long that Akira was waxing red about him whenever we met up or had meetings at the company. I confronted him once about it but he denied it outright. He said he was over you and you were clearly never in love with him.” Nitori took his phone back. “Long story short, they got married. Here she is on her wedding day.”

“Her hair is longer here.” It was; She wore a beautiful white wedding gown, a small tiara on her head. This time her hair fell around her collar bones. I could see she was holding hands with someone; someone whose hand was one I had familiarized myself with years ago, a hand that always reached out and pulled me up whenever I needed it.

“Yeah, but she still looks like you, just with longer hair.” He double-clicked on the picture, zooming it out. “And here’s Makoto on his wedding day with her. He couldn’t stop looking at her the entire day. At first I thought it was romantic but… When Akira came back from Iwatobi, I had never seen her so down. Apparently she found photos of you when we were younger and she realized the similarity between the two of you right away. This is what she looks like now.”

After a couple of clicks on his phone, he turned it back to me. The woman in the picture still resembled the women in the other pictures but here she was older – still beautiful – with long, wavy hair that had a gradient of dark brown to light brown; she also wore big, round glasses with yellow frames. “Akira?”

“Mmhm. When they came back, her hair was about the same as yours is right now. Akira didn’t want to ever be reminded of her heartbreak every time she looked in the mirror so she let it grow out and dyed it. She wanted to be different, after everything happened. Anyway, she’s married now and she seems a lot happier. Though she doesn’t write as many books as she used to, Akira does a lot of editing work, which she seems to be happy with. But yeah, that’s what I can tell you that I’m sure Makoto didn’t.”

Rin knocked on the window, three boxes in his hands. He wiped at his nose and was looking away. Nitori smiled, “Anything else and you’ll have to talk to him.” He leaned over and opened the door for Rin.

They settled back in, pizza boxes in Nitori’s lap and their hands intertwined between their seats. We drove in silence with only the radio playing. As we neared Makoto’s place, Rin reached out and turned it off. “Haru, my bad. I didn’t mean to lose my cool, I just… I just want to see the two of you happy. I know you’re content just swimming with me around the world but when you’re with him, you look completely happy. And the way he looks at you…” 

“It’s okay, Rin. I know you just want me to find the happiness you yourself found. And I want that, too. I’ll… Talk to him. Tonight. Just give me time to think of what to say.” I looked back up at him and smiled. “This is all going a little fast for me.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything after that until we arrived at Makoto’s. Rin got out of the car first, walking quickly through Makoto’s yard; He opened the front door himself and shouted, “Excuse us!”

“Excuse us,” Nitori repeated, quieter than his husband. 

“Oh, come in! Come in!” Haru-chan greeted us, grinning. Makoto stood behind her.

“Here, I’ll take that.” He held out his hands for the pizza. 

“I’m home,” I muttered, slipping off my shoes. I realized what I had said when everyone froze and no one said anything. 

The first one to break the silence was Haru-chan. “Welcome home!” 

“W-welcome home, Haru,” Makoto stuttered out, a blush spreading across his face and down his neck. “Well, let’s eat!” Hurriedly, he walked away from us, Haru-chan following him with quick footsteps.

“Way to go,” Rin said, chuckling. 

“Shut up,” I pushed him, following after the other two. 

“Don’t tease,” Nitori said quietly. “Or no dessert for you, Rin.”

\-- 

“Thank you for the food!” Haru-chan shouted, clapping her hands together. She slumped back in her chair, rubbing her stomach. “That was so good, wow! I never had mackerel pizza that was that super delicious! I could it all over again!”

“Yeah, but then you’d have a stomach ache,” Makoto said, patting her head. He had this fond look in his eyes, a different one from what I was used to seeing. 

“Nah! I would just make more room in my belly for it! It was that super delicious!”

“So I guess you don’t want ice cream, then?” Nitori said, leaning across the table at her. “And Rin was even going to offer to go buy some with you, too.”

“I was?” “He was?” Makoto and Rin asked at the same time.

Nitori gave both of them a Look, one that Haru-chan must have missed but not one that I missed. 

“I’m still hungry! I want ice cream!”

“Why don’t we all go?” Makoto suggested, clapping his hands. He was flushed and seemed nervous.

“I think I’ll just take a bath,” I said quietly. “I don’t really want ice cream.”

Nitori pouted but nodded, “Yeah, let’s all go.”

Haru-chan was flying out of her seat, chattering excitedly at Rin. Although most children would be wary of his teeth, Haru-chan wasn’t even the least bit cautious around him, hanging off his feet and making him put her shoes on for her. Nitori was right behind them, laughing at their interactions. “You’re great with kids,” I heard him say. “Makes me want to have one of our own.”

I could only imagine Rin’s red face from the sputtering noise of disbelief. Laughing, I stood and was about to follow when Makoto grabbed my wrist. 

“I can show you how to run the bath, if you need me to?” 

“I think I can manage,” I said quickly. I needed time to think and the water would be the best place for that. As much as I wanted him to keep holding onto me, to tell me I was the one he loved, to welcome me home time and time again – I needed to think. 

A cloud passed over Makoto’s eyes, but it was gone and replaced with the same careful sunshine as always, “Right. We’re not kids anymore.” He let go of my wrist gently and walked passed me. “Let’s get going! Haru-chan, buckle up your jacket.”

“Yes, Daddy!” I heard her open the door and her laughter fading. 

“We’ll be back,” Makoto shouted, shutting the door. 

I nodded at the empty space before walking back to the room I had dropped my things off at. As I dug around in my bag for clothes to wear, my eyes caught sight of the box in the corner. It was magical how much it beckoned at me to open it, like there was a secret I needed to see. 

“Oh, what the hell,” I muttered, crawling over to it. My hands hovered over the lid, burning from the unknown. Taking a deep breath, I opened it as quickly as I could. 

The pictures inside of it were not blurry; The people in those pictures didn’t have red eye and there were rarely any repeats. This time, the recurring theme seemed to be a woman who looked remarkably like me, more so than any of the pictures Nitori had showed me. Here she was grinning, holding a puppy. There she had her hair pushed up, a pencil in her hand, and a serious expression on her face. Another featured her sleeping, wearing one of Makoto’s t-shirts, hair spread around her head like a dark halo. In a different one, she was holding a small infant in her hands, eyes tired but somehow still bright. 

My breath caught as I dug deeper into the box, pictures overflowing with memories I knew I wasn’t supposed to be see. One caught my attention the most; It was a terrible angle, obviously taken without a front-facing camera. Makoto was kissing the woman’s – Akira’s – cheek, a blush across his face that had spread down to his bare chest. She was looking up into the camera, hair disheveled but smile small and content. Again, she wore one of Makoto’s t-shirts. I could tell what this was about.

They probably had just had sex.

I let the picture fall back into the box and stared at all the contents inside of it. In my journey through it, I had also encountered notes, event tickets, little trinkets of affection – things couples did. My heart bubbled and I could feel it reaching my throat.

This was jealousy, that much I knew. 

I slammed the top back on and stood. I couldn’t change the past; Hell, I had made out with random people here and again while I was abroad but it’s not like I married them. Makoto had made his choice, no matter what anyone else said. He was in love with me? What a joke. If he was, why would he still have a whole box dedicated to another person? 

Snatching my clothes off the ground, I stomped over to the bathroom.

The water would help me think. It would help me calm down. Maybe see things from a different perspective. 

“Maybe,” I whispered, running the water into the bath.

But all I could think of right now is how it must have felt to be held in his arms, to see his expression as he became unraveled, to taste his breath against my face, to smell his skin after we were done, to hear his voice break around my name like it was a secret from the world. 

My skin felt hot and prickly – from jealousy or arousal, I couldn’t say. I stripped my clothes off in record time and washed myself off as the bath filled. When it was done, I slipped right in, like I was slipping into my own skin. 

\--

“Haru?” I heard Makoto’s voice from the outside of the bathroom door. “Haru, are you still in there?”

I sighed, sitting up in the bathtub. They had been out for about forty minutes or so, giving me ample time to think about to what say. I knew I could approach the subject with Makoto if I was blunt; He would be flustered, and, at first, probably deny what everyone else had said. But if I kept pushing the subject, I knew his barriers and I knew how to get passed them.

There’s no way to be friends with someone for over ten years and not know that. But that also meant he knew me. 

“Haru?”

“Yeah, I’m getting out,” I shouted. I really was. The water had given me a plan and I was a little excited to execute it. “Let me change first.”

“Okay!” His footsteps faded away. 

Changing quickly, I went over the steps I was going to take again. He and Haru-chan were sure to take a bath next. Knowing Makoto, they’d watch TV or read a story before she went to bed (whatever their preference was). I knew they had separate bedrooms and she’d be asleep within the hour. That’s when I planned to strike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shrugs  
> don't worry i already have most of next chapter written up so ouv just one more chapter and then an epilogue so plz dont hate me too much hahaha
> 
> anyway, as always, I just wanted to say thank you for all the support thus far and the comments as well! I hope you all continue to support me and please leave me comments with reviews, your thoughts, critiques (As i'm sure this chapter is full of mistakes i'm too tired to correct OTL), or really just to talk about MakoHaru! 
> 
> \\(ouo)/ love you all!


	5. This Time, I Won't Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so, Haru puts his plan in motion...

“You like baths, Haru-chan?” I asked, seeing the small girl sitting outside of the bathroom as I emerged. She held a bundle of clothes in her hands and seemed really drowsy.

“Yeah! They’re great,” she replied, smiling up at me. “The warm water always calms me down so I can sleep but I’m already really sleepy right now.”

“You did have a pretty big day,” Makoto said, appearing in the hallway. “Let’s go take our bath now.”

“’Kay, Daddy.” Haru-chan stood, wobbling a little. 

“Be careful,” I jumped, making sure I could catch her before she fell.

“’m okay,” she mumbled, walking into the bathroom in a haze.

Makoto and I watched her before looking at each other. He laughed, “She gets a little weird when she’s tired. Anyway, you can watch TV in the living room if you’d like. I’ll probably put her to bed after we’re done and then join you. I recorded my favourite show today and didn’t get to see it yet!”

I nodded, “I’ll be waiting for you.”

He paused and I knew he heard the meaning behind the words. After a moment of silence, he gulped. “Okay,” Makoto said before walking into the bathroom.

I stood in the hall for a minute or so, listening to the sounds of their bath time.

“Daddy, you’re scrubbing too hard!”

“Sorry, Haru-chan!”

“It’s okay, just be careful.”

“Alright!”

Shaking my head, I hid a laugh in my towel before heading to the living room. I was excited to see what sort of pictures they would have in here. Deciding quickly, I began my journey from one side of the room all the way to the other. 

There were some frames that had “Best Friends Forever” emblazoned with pink glitter; These frames always seemed to have pictures of Nagisa – with Rei, with Makoto, with Haru-chan, with Nitori, or a combination of. I saw a few cheesy frames that had words like “Family” or “Daughter” with ‘definitions’ of what they meant (I knew they weren’t real definitions though); These frames included pictures of Haru-chan in various stages of her life. The ‘family’ frames held a wide variety of pictures that included Makoto’s parents, Ran, Ren, and some old pictures from high school. There were some decorative frames with what looked like professional pictures instead of the candid shots in the rest. I also noticed some seasonal frames with pictures to match; Haru-chan in a witch costume, Makoto wearing a Santa Claus get up, Haru-chan wearing a yukata with fireworks going off behind her. 

The amazing part was how many moments a person could have in their lives. It just blew my mind that a person could live an entire life time in pictures and yet that would only be an inkling of who they were. I sighed and moved on to the next picture.

It was the only picture of Akira in the room. The only picture of her that I had seen in any of the frames. She sat on a sofa next to Nitori, who was holding up a book. Makoto sat next to her with Nagisa and Rei on Nitori’s other side. It was in this picture that I noticed how flushed Makoto looked, staring openly at the woman who sat next to him – the woman who looked so much like me that I felt a shiver run down my spine. In the next second, I realized something else.

This was a picture of the first night they met. 

“Daddy, I’m not tired,” I heard Haru-chan whine as the bathroom door slid open. 

“Then why don’t you walk to your room, then?” Makoto laughed, but there was only lightness in his voice.

“Okay, maybe I’m a little tired.”

“Let me tuck you in and I’ll read to you, okay?”

“’Kay, Daddy.”

I heard another door open but it didn’t close. If I tried, I could hear the creak of a bed, the rustling of blankets, and a soft voice reading out words that lulled even me into a trance. Silently, I made my way to the couch to sit and wait. 

-

“Haru, if you’re sleepy, you should go to bed,” I heard Makoto say, a warm hand on my shoulder.

“Are you gonna carry me to bed, too?” I mumbled before opening my eyes. Bad idea, I thought, because Makoto was closer than I expected. His lips were shaped into a gentle smile and they looked so soft and so inviting and –

“Only if you want me to,” he answered before stepping away and laughing. “Sorry, we got to an exciting part in the book and Haru-chan didn’t want me to stop. She eventually passed out, though.”

I nodded, sitting up properly as he sat down on the couch next to me. “Makoto.”

“Hm?” He was messing with the remote as he looked to pull up something on his TV. Probably his recorded show.

“Makoto,” I said again, a little more force behind it. He looked over at me. “It’s me, right?”

“What’s you?” His eyebrows furrowed, creating a little dip in his forehead that was always cute. When the silence stretched, Makoto leaned forward, putting the remote down on the little table in front of him. “Haru?”

I swallowed, trying to keep my doubts from rushing to the surface and eclipsing my words. Just like in the bath, I thought, just say it like you planned. “You love me.”

Makoto seemed surprise, his eyes going wide. “Of course I do, Haru. You’re my best friend.”

I shook my head. I saw that coming. “No.”

“What do you mean, no?” 

“You’re _in love_ with me.” I stated.

He blushed and looked away. I could see his adam’s apple move up and down; he was fidgeting with his fingers, like he did when he was nervous. “I…” Makoto’s seemed to be breathing very shallowly, panic clear in his eyes even when he didn’t look at me.

“I know what Akira looked like when you met her. She looked like me and that’s why you-“

“Haru!” He stood, knocking his knee into the table. “I-I’m sorry!”

“Why?” I stared up at him, alarmed. 

“I bet you think I’m some sort of pervert, going after a woman only because she looked like you. I bet you think I’m heartless, playing her like that. I-I really did fall for her, at some point. But… But no matter how much I tried to convince myself that she was the one for me, my heart only had room for you.” Makoto was panting, his breath coming out in wheezes; his fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles had turned white.

“Makoto, wait, listen –“

“No, you listen, Haru!” He turned to me, his eyes blazing with emotion I had never seen before. “I wanted to tell, I have always wanted to tell you! I’ve been in love with you since we were kids! I know people say you’re cold and you don’t care about anything but yourself or your swimming or whatever but I always knew that wasn’t true! You care… You care so much and I can see it all in your eyes. I’ve always been so happy to have someone like you by my side. I was happy that you called me your best friend. I was happy when you started opening up, even if it meant you were letting others aside from me in. Even when you were gone, I was happy for you. I was proud of you. You did so much and I just couldn’t help my feelings, even if you didn’t look my way, even if you never thought of me…” Makoto trailed off, his hands going limp. “I wanted you take the whole world by storm, to inspire everyone with your swimming – I wanted that because you wanted it. But my selfish desire was always to have you here with me, to grow old with you, to hold you in my arms, and to love you more and more each day. I know, it’s stupid a-and gross, right?”

I stood, watching him. All the words I had planned to say flew out the window, replaced with a fast growing warmth. “Makoto, you idiot,” I whispered, grabbing hold of his hands and bringing them up to my face. 

“Haru?” He looked at me, questions and doubts in wet, green eyes – like a forest after a heavy, cleansing rainfall. 

“I want all those things too, Makoto. I always have,” I looked down before pressing my lips to his fingers, one by one. It gave me time to calm down. “I’m in love with you, too,” I whispered, keeping his hand against my mouth.

“Haru!” He was shaking, his grip growing stronger in my hands.

“Let me finish,” I said, looking back up at him. “Akira looked like me and that’s probably why you went along with it. I’m not mad about that, Makoto. I would never wish against your happiness. I understand why you keep her a secret from your daughter, but I really hope you won’t keep us a secret. During my off-season, I have to make a choice to go back on the road on the coaching team or I can stay. But I’m not gonna really be swimming competitively anymore. I’m almost thirty-five now, I think it’s time I settle down. And I couldn’t think of a better person I’d rather spend the rest of my life with other than you.”

“But, Haru… Your dream.”

“I lived my dream. I travelled the world, I swam whenever I pleased, I swam as much as I could, I am still pretty unbeatable. My coaches say I still have years left but I’m tired. I’m lonely. I love Rin and Kou but they can’t replace you. It’s my decision, as selfish as it is…” I took a deep breath. “I want to stay here with you. We’ll run the school together. We’ll raise Haru-chan together. We’ll watch TV together when we come home. We’ll help her with homework together. We’ll go to that café together. We’ll grow old together… I-If you'll accept me. I don’t want to miss any more of your life.”

“Haru, don’t cry,” Makoto said, his voice gentle and soft. 

“I’m not.”

“Haru,” he chuckled, bringing one of his hands up to my cheek. 

“Makoto.”

“Mm?” 

“What’s your answer?” I asked, looking up at him.

His eyes went wide with surprise before crinkling in the corners, a smile - the one that was reserved just for me - spreading across his face. “Isn’t that obvious, Haru?”

I felt my own smile before nodding. “Makoto…” He looked like he was about to say something but I cut him off when I pulled him down to my level, our lips crashing into each other. It hurt and my lips will probably be swollen but it was worth it. “Our first kiss,” I whispered as I pulled away.

“I was kinda expecting it to be a little softer,” Makoto laughed, running a finger across his lips. 

“It was perfect.”

Makoto nodded before leaning down, his eyes fluttering closed. I reached up, meeting him halfway. I pressed my lips against his, my hands slipping across his shoulders as he reached to hold my face. It was gentler, less urgent, more loving. When we parted, he sighed, his green eyes hazy. 

“That _was_ perfect, Haru,” he said softly, his words ghosting over my lips. 

I nodded, taking step back before falling onto the couch. “Makoto,” I looked up at him. “It’s been a long day.”

He laughed but nodded, sitting heavily next to me. Makoto laid his head on my lap, smiling up at me. “It’s been a wonderful day, though.”

“I can’t argue with that,” I replied, running a hand through his hair. It was soft, like I always imagined it would be. I leaned down, “Can I kiss you again?”

Makoto nodded again, closing his eyes, a smile still on his face. I pressed my lips against his again, my hands roaming down Makoto’s neck and around his shoulders; he kept his folded over his lap. I could feel him smiling even as I pulled away again. Those green eyes were so inviting, the haze clearing into an alertness that I loved.

“Are you trying to make up for all those years?” He joked, reaching up to graze my cheek with the back of his hand.

I nodded, leaning back down and kissing him again. It lasted a little longer than the last one, but it was just as sweet. As we parted, he yawned, grinning up at me. “Maybe we should get some sleep, Haru? It has been a long d-“

I kissed him again, harder than before. “But this is so much more fun.”

He laughed before sitting up and turning to me. “While I agree, it’s been a long day, I have to open the school tomorrow, and Haru-chan is just sleeping in the other room. I still have to talk to her, though she seems to already like you.”

With a nod, I leaned forward, kissing his cheek. “We can sleep together, can’t we? I won’t try anything, I promise. I just want to sleep next to you again.”

“It’s been years,” Makoto agreed, scratching at his cheek. “Okay. I’ll allow it.”

“Are you gonna carry me to your room?” 

“If you want me to, Haru, I’ll carry you anywhere.” He stood and reached down to scoop me up. With a grunt, he lifted me. “Well, until my back gives out,” Makoto joked, smiling down at me. 

“I’m not that heavy,” I glared at him.

“I’m kidding, Haru. You’re perfect.” He leaned down and kissed me. With another grunt, he started walking down the hall, heading to his room. 

As he nudged the door open with his foot, I couldn’t make out much because it was still dark. He walked through the room, placing me down on the bed. I backed up until my back hit the head post; Even in the dark, I could make out his strong silhouette.

“Will you be joining me?” I whispered, not wanting to speak any louder. 

“With pleasure,” he said back, just as quiet. I felt the bed creak under his weight as he crawled toward me, hands reaching out and touching my feet first. Slowly, his hands slipped upwards, fingers lightly caressing my calves, my thighs, my hips, my sides, my arms, my neck – until they gripped my face. “You’re beautiful.”

I blushed and looked away, attempting to hide myself even in the dark. “I thought we were going to sleep.”

“We are. I just wanted to appreciate you like I was never able to do,” Makoto whispered, pressing his lips against my forehead, my cheeks, my nose. “Good night, Haru.” He kissed me, chaste and too quick, before pulling away completely.

The darkness was cold and replaced his body quickly. “Makoto, don’t go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me towards him.

“I’m not either,” I promised, gripping onto his arms and burying my face in his shoulder. Makoto smelled like home. I wouldn’t go anywhere now that I was home.

\--

I stared at him, studying his face. His eyelashes had always been thin and sparse; his face seemed more freckled than when we were younger; his lips were still pulled into a smile; I could make out the smile lines in his face. Makoto was so beautiful. 

While he slept, I ran a finger across his forehead, down the gentle curve of his nose, and passed the slopes of his lips. It seemed unreal, like a dream, to be here, to be so close. I had waited so long for this and here it was – It happened so fast, so suddenly but I couldn’t deny that it didn’t feel great to be in Makoto’s arms. 

I sighed and leaned up to press my lips against his chin before pulling back. He smiled in his sleep, mumbling my name. I was about to do it again when I heard the sound of pattering feet head in our direction. _Shit,_ I thought, scrambling to get out of Makoto’s arms, but that only made him hold on tighter. 

“Makoto, get up, Haru-chan is head-“

“Daddy! Goo-“ I whipped my head to stare at the girl who stood at the door, the same dolphin plushie from yesterday in her arm and a grin frozen on her face.

Makoto sat up suddenly when he heard her, a blush spreading across his face and down his neck faster than I ever thought it could. It was cute, but now was not the time for that. “Haru-chan, this isn’t want it looks like!” 

“What is it then, Daddy? Because it looks an awful lot like the covers of those books you’re always buying and putting on the top shelf,” Haru-chan said, her expression suddenly serious. 

“I… Uh, Haru-chan, um...!” Makoto was waving his arms around, but couldn’t seem to say anything.

“Haru-chan, your dad and I are in love with each other and we would appreciate your support,” I said after a minute of Makoto’s bumbling. 

“Does that make you my mom?” She tilted her head to the side, like Makoto usually did. My heart swelled.

“Only if you want me to be,” I laughed, putting a hand on Makoto’s shoulder, hoping to comfort him as he went silent.

“Hm, no thanks, Haru. I like Daddy being both,” Haru-chan grinned. “I like you but I don’t need a mommy right now.”

“Are you okay with Daddy and Haru being in love?” Makoto said quietly; I could feel him trembling beside me.

She nodded and walked up to the bed. “Daddy, don’t be stupid. You can be in love with anyone as long as I’m your number one!”

“You’ll always be my number one, sweetie,” he replied immediately, lifting her up to the bed. “There’s more than enough room in my heart for both of you.”

“Good,” she smiled again and looked at me. “You’re good at cooking, right, Haru? That’s what Daddy told me anyway. I hope so, because I'm tired of burned mackerel.”

“Haru-chan!” Makoto whined. 

“I am. I can go make some grilled mackerel right now for breakfast if you want, Haru-chan.”

“Haru!”

Her eyes widened and sparkled, “Yes, please! With eggs and toast! And orange juice! And jam!”

“Why not?” I laughed. “I’ll go cook while you two get ready.” I leaned over and kissed Makoto’s cheek before rolling out of bed. 

“I don’t get a kiss?” Haru-chan said, standing on the bed. Her cheek was turned to me and she wore an expectant expression.

I glanced over at Makoto, who just shrugged and made a gesture to continue. With a sigh, I kissed Haru-chan’s cheek, feeling myself blush. She laughed and fell back on the bed, already talking about the dream she had at a fast pace. As she talked, I made eye contact with Makoto; we stared at each other for a second, all our feelings and thoughts transmitted in that instant. 

It was a little too much and I turned away, blushing. _I will always be in love with you,_ were the words that we repeated back to each other, words I will never tire of hearing, words I will never stop saying. For the rest of our lives together, for all the moments I missed before I could make up now, for all the time that had already slipped by – Haru-chan, Makoto, and I could be a family now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll write a quick epilogue in the next couple of days. Let me know if there's anything you want to see with these three in their future and I'll try to include it in the epilogue lol ;o  
> Also this was fun to write. i love u guys so much, thanks for the support and I really hoped you enjoyed this quick journey! 
> 
> I always wanted to write a family au with this kind of idea and I just thought...MakoHaru would be the best!!!!!! Anyway! Please leave me a comment and expect the epilogue soon! Then this fic will really come to an end, tho I wish I could stay in this AU forever haha.
> 
> Again, thanks so much for the support!

**Author's Note:**

> god this is a bad idea.
> 
> this was actually based on a dream i had so here we go. yay. this won't be too long, but it will be multi-chapter.  
> also sorry i didn't really edit this i just wanted to type it up. thanks.


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